Match Reports

Supers v Eastern Hills Cats

With the weather gods turning on another great day for footy, the supers made the journey out to Dianella to take on the Eastern Hills Cats.

This week marked the return of a number of our midfielders and it was not long before the ‘well grounded’ mids established their dominance. Tails and Danners found space all afternoon on the
wings with Rosie also bringing an extra bit of dash on the outside. Cogs & Plonk added a bit of size to the mix and they, with Brocky and Higgs went to work giving our boys first use all day. Ryno ensured his time in the midfield would be short lived by running from the clearance to the calls of Wrong Way! before looking confused and getting nailed holding the ball. With our mids on top,
disappointingly a couple of the cats took to focusing on the man rather than the ball leading to one of their men seeing a red card.

Lead by Ben, the backline was impenetrable conceding just the one goal for the match. DOL was intercept marking everything with Milesy, Burgo and Chidz hitting targets at will coming out the
backline.

The forward line could smell blood in the water and was ruthless with a number of multiple goal kickers. Baldry presented well on debut and Dan managed to find himself in the right place as all
good small forwards do to snag a couple of goals.

Following a week of stray kicking, Stew was relegated to the magnets and turned the board upside down for the last quarter. As a result a few of the back men were able to get up the ground
highlighted with Dol sliding forward to kick a classy goal.

Overall great effort across the board from all the boys.
– Reporter: Ryan “Nu-boi” Melling

Masters v Eastern Hills Cats

First Half
Another glorious day in sunny Perth, perfect conditions for footy coupled with Coach Dan’s epic pre-game speech that could rival the likes of Al Pacino in Any Given Sunday.

Wembley came out strong in the first half, with Hilux tearing it up on the wing and racking up touches like they were going out of style.

Big Sammy was clunking marks with his signature headband, while Cogs struggled to shake off a Cameron Ling-like tag at Centre Half Forward.

Irish and Brocky were a dynamic duo in the guts, dominating clearances and Mikey was putting in a solid ground work effort as always.

Dozer, and Dazza were doing the hard yards in defense, trying to fend off the barrage of goals being fed by the long-haired surfy dude in the midfield.

Gun Supers specialists Scotty and Benny Oleary linked well in the back half. Benny hitting Cats from all angles and Scotty covering ground like Usian, proved to much for the CATS forwards.

Jimmy was flying down the wing with his trusty left foot and Bassy was dishing out 10-meter stab passes like it was nobody’s business.

Despite all their efforts, the first half ended with the game all tied up at halftime, CATS 2.3 to Wembley 1.9.

Second Half

After a stern talking-to from Sarge and Coach Dan’s halftime rocket, Wembley finally found their groove in the second half. Sarge was weaving through the forward line like a magician and Mikey was
crashing packs left and right, much to the delight of the spectators.

Big Si decided to grace the team with his presence in the second half, showing off his class around the half-back line before his superstar display in the supers.

Brock and Hilux stepped up when it mattered most, slotting some beauties from the midfield and proving that mids can actually kick goals too…..

The game was played in good spirits until CATS’ Dusty/Forrest Gump lookalike ran into Mikey’s neck, nearly sparking an all-out brawl.

In the end, Wembley prevailed with a few late goals sealing the win. Apologies if anyone was left out in this report, but it was a fantastic day of footy.

A huge shoutout to the coaches, jumper washers, and fill-ins from the Seniors for their contributions to the victory.

On a side note, it looks like there’ll be plenty of goal kicking practice in store for the team at training this week!

Final Score: CATS 3.6 to Wembley 5.35

– Reporters: Alex “Cogs” Coughlan

Seniors v Eastern Districts Cats

The details of Sundays game are quite inconsequential……

Very well, where do I begin? Our Coach for the week (Poobah) was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Italy with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery, but his football
talents could not be questioned.

Our Strategic Analyst and Magnet Board mover was Joey who was also an Italian immigrant with webbed feet but a highly skilled footballer of his day and a desire to relive his 21 goal game of
1988….he has such a strong football brain but clearly frustrated with the inability of this Seniors team to follow basic instructions!

Joey has a chequered history – he would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy and
suggested our Senior’s Footy team were of similar ilk……the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

So Sunday’s game was typical, and although it is autumn it felt like a summers day in Rangoon playing the well spirited Eastern Districts Cats Football team.

After the initial pre-game pep talk, we all ran out with anticipation of a highly skilled fast paced game of football in perfect conditions. As we know we don’t keep score in this league and so we finished the 1st Quarter with the score line – Wembley 0.0 to Eastern Districts 0.0. Sadly, this was not because we don’t keep score, neither team had the ability to score. The spectators were riveted to their seats.

Neither Poobah or Joey were impressed as we failed to follow clear instructions. Joey started ranting and reminded us that when he was young and insolent, he was placed in a burlap bag and beaten
with reeds, pretty standard really, then Poobah cited something about at the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved his testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn
scrotum, it’s breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

We had gone through various game plan preparations in the First Quarter. Preparations A through G were complete failures and needed quick adjustment. Joey then gave us a viable working game plan, which he called Preparation H. The Wembley Seniors embraced the new Preparation as it seemed pretty good on the whole.

Anyway, I digress. The morning dew was clearing for the commencement of the 2nd Quarter. As the ground dried out, the skills significantly improved with marks being held (except for Irish), kicks
hitting targets (except Irish) and handballs being delivered (except for Irish).

Speaking of handballs, the author made a bet with Muzz that he was incapable to feed a handball to another teammate if he was kicking within 50m of goal. Muzz was offered a free beer for every
handball to a teammate….it could have been a massive payday for him. Muzz unfortunately came off in the 2nd Quarter with a completely busted finger and off to hospital. Sorry Muz, no free beers for
you, but hope you are back with us shortly. The Bet will still stand next game.

We then lost Mario with broken saucy and sticky ribs and Wal with a dodgy Hammy (all that driving and service station fast food from up north I suspect)…..in a stroke of luck, Rowners turned up,
dusted off his fly blown red and dusty 4WD apparel and was more than an adequate replacement for Wal.

We were losing more players than Brissy in the Q clash, but our tenacity around the ball and scoreboard pressure was telling, but the half time break couldn’t come soon enough. The 3rd Quarter is known as the Premiership quarter and the Wembley Vets punishing pre-season training started to pay dividends as our fitness became our asset as we took control around the
ground.

The backline resembled that of the stingy no compromise Fremantle Dockers – Selfey was the rock at full back, and along with Poobah, Simmo and Youngie, who not only repelled any forward thrust from
the Cats but also created our attacking play from half back. Macca played his first game for Wembley down back at fitted in beautifully.

The mids controlled the centreline with Brynna tapping the ball wherever he liked and fed Sarge, Jimmy and Bretto who were putting on a masterclass clinic. Brynna was applying bone crunching
tackles and enjoying his work and left saying to the Cats midfield ‘Don’t mess with me, I’m one crazy MOFO’. His opposition Ruckman wondered what was possessing Brynna with his superior leap, run
and physicality. Brynna responded ‘We’re not that different you and I, but when it comes to Footy, I’m considered….Evil’

Bassie played an unusual role (for him) on the wing with Prindi on the other.

With Draggers a late out, BP played CHF and was a critical target along with Magic and Joffa….the forward line just worked!

Loui was getting a few influential touches but nearly got completely touched up when standing in the leading channel of Magic. Magic avoided the potential car crash. A few boys reminded Loui of the No Go zones.

Irish at this stage is still yet to take a mark or collect an effective kick…..more of that later.

The 4th quarter commenced and the Wembley boys had the ball on a string. Some of the passages of play were worthy of Robbo showing on AFL 360. Joffa just looked in a different league, particularly
with his run, stun and bounce to set sail for another goal.

The author put out a challenge for any Wembley player to do the ‘Harley Fend Off’ and be rewarded with a 6 pack of beers. Irish (to is credit) attempted it, only to give away a free kick. Irish was now at a high level of frustration. No one would kick the footy to him, his pleads on a lead were ignored and proceeded for Irish to yell out ‘Why must I be surrounded by frickin’ idiots? Throw me a frickin’ bone here! ‘

Give it away Irish.

With the game finished I think Footy was the winner.

Until the next instalment.

– Reporter: Anthony “Mini Me” Prindiville