Match Reports

Supers v Mandurah Makos

Sunday saw the supers head out to Bassendean for a much anticipated batile with the Mandurah Makos. The trip out east and potential rain was too much for some with numbers looking dire half an hour before the game, but with 8 masters pung their hands up to double up, Wembley were able to put out a formidable team.

Whilst the weather gods looked aer us by keeping the rain away, there was a near 10 goal hurricane going to one end of the ground. With the advantage of the breeze Wembley were able to jump out of the blocks with Stew registering 3 of his 6 goals in the first quarter. The supply out of the midfield was at its usual elite standard with Higgs & Tails (the smaller good one) leading from the front. Bassie brought the physical presence as well through the midfield, with he and Brocky doubling up and showing there is still plenty of run in their legs. New recruit Smitiy finally graduated from the Wembley ammos, and aer a quick check of the birth certificate, ran all day on the wing providing plenty of link up play. Marcus reminded everyone why he couldn’t be le with time and space, also finishing with a couple of nice goals from distance.

The second quarter saw a change in fortune with the boys kicking into the wind and being held to the one goal for the quarter. Our backs were under siege for much of the quarter and held up exceptionally. With Benno, Chidz, Pipes and Daz all doubling up for their second game, the run out of the backline was first class. Whitey brought back the bump and was straightlining every contest winning plenty of the footy and distributing with lethal accuracy. Unfortunately the accuracy couldnt be shared with the forwards with Stew not making the distance from 30m out directly in front to get one back against the flow of play.

The third quarter saw Wembley regain the benefit of the wind and we took the opportunity to put the Makos to the sword. Tails followed up his good work through the midfield by sneaking forward and capping it off with a couple of goals and Wembley kicked away.

In the last, Wembleys extra run came to the fore, with the run and carry minimising the impact of the breeze. The Makos lost a couple with injury seeing both sides finish with 16 on the ground and had there been a scoreboard, Wembley eventually ran it out for a comfortable win.

– Ryan “Rhino” Melling

Masters v Mandurah Makos

“The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare”

Directed by Guy Ritchie, writien by Sammy A

Now available on Prime

With the Bombers deciding the AFL 2024 season finished 7 weeks ago, atiention returned to the real war of atirition that is Masters football on the North Eastern front at Houghton Park.. the promise of clear skies and ridiculous radar evaluation proved frivolous and clearly a rouse by Club office bearers to entice more Warriors of Wembley from their Sunday slumber.. many still in the infirmary from Friday night Flannos, the remainder feeling sorry for the Makos having to leave last Thursday to make the start time from the Southern interior. The regiment of REAL men arrived in the rain to witness Watisy tearing down the wing for the Officers Batialion that is the Senior’s squad. With head steaming and bouncing the pill in the wet, the adrenaline was clearly infectious for the batile to follow at 1500.

Sergeant Dan (not to be confused with Forest Gump fame), arrived clearly shell-shocked aer yet another Bombers bombing and mumbled incoherently for 20 mins about farkin’ Sarge and his farkin’ pre-season Nostradamus-like tipping of his beloved Essendon’s downfall.. smelling salts and the wa of Metsal brought his eyes back into focus long enough to throw some magnets into positions.

Eyebrows were raised.. whats this!? Pistol at fullback to defend our ground against a Mako forward line averaging a height of 6’1” and 120kg!!? Madness was mentioned but Pistol had a glint in his eye not dissimilar to a SAS paratrooper juiced to the eyeballs with the most modern of medicinal stimulants.. “I love it there!!” he hissed and spat.. his teammates hoping he could make it through the first quarter without a court-marshal.

Shane-o arrived still confused by talk of ‘Teams app’ and ‘RSVP FFS!’ from Sgt Dan but the forward line was looking dangerous with Rookie also deciding the dishes at home could wait to get some blood flowing through his ACL.. this author resigned to the fact that roving in the forward pocket would be his day in the shitiy rain in shitiy Bayswater but no.. there was another storyline to be writien that day that will be embellished for years to follow.

Before the batile began it was clear that the Makos were outnumbered. Sgt Dan with disdain offered up the sacrificial sheep in an atiempt to handicap their efforts even further.. (he really hates the Bombers losing..) ‘take those two’ he grumbled pointing his wiry finger at Sarge and Gromit as we assembled on the batilefield. “Take that Nostradamus!” he grinned to himself..

The whistle was blown and over the top we went! But what’s this? Rookie streams up the field and into the midfield, obviously disgusted with Irish’s 37 fend-offs before kicking the ball to nowhere of importance or benefit.. This author seized his opportunity to reclaim the square. What followed can only be described as a lesson in telepathy between midfield and forward line not seen since ET last waddled on Earth.. Shane-o broke right, the author broke le, not a word was needed as the delivery from the centre was textbook from Joshy, Rookie, Uni and even Bassie was kicking straight! The author had three by quarter time and spared Sarge his life.

The second quarter followed the first in both ball delivery and pointless fend-offs by Irish.. Marcus was turning players inside out Benny was finding space within space.. Mike and Brocky smashed the packs to hopefully spill the pill in the opposite direction of Irish to the midfielder masterclass on show. The author jagged a couple more, missed a few so started to share some ball as his kicking boot was wearing thin.

Pistol was true to his word, defending fearlessly with DC and Chidzy, repelling any atiack from the Makos and staying clear of Umpire Grumbles who only vaguely remembered his transgressions of the past playing under a different name and number :\

Sgt Dan was clearly high as Hunter S Thomson at half time.. drunk on the success of a team performing as promised on paper, a coaching brain-fart was to follow.. ‘let’s flip the side!’ he bellowed, ‘Sarge does it all the time!’.. if Pistol was energised before the game, he now looked in the mirror and saw Ben Roberts-Smith winking bank at him.. what followed can only be described as mania.. like a wind-up toy on crack, Pistol lept over giants, played-on at every opportunity and only kicked around corners, peppering the goals like a 50mm anti-aircra gun.

Coming home with the wind, Pipes got his first decent and valiant touches of the game and Benny had a snap himself which hit Daz on the chest on the line. With the wind now approaching 120km from the west his atiempt at a banana on goals ended up in the bar which was powered by WA’s first small modular reactor to defrost the Supers for their upcoming batile. Super-coach Brin just may have got the drills spot on this last fortnight.. a game to remember for all assembled.

End Credits:

Wembley: 128 goals 20 points, Makos: fark all apart from Bom

– Executive Producer: Sam “Alright, I’m ready for my close up Mr. DeMille” Astbury

Seniors v Mandurah Makos

Time is an interesting concept. Time for family, time to take holidays, time to spend with friends, time to write a match report. So, when someone yells “You’ve got time”, you naturally find comfort because you now have something – something that you didn’t have before.

But what if someone yells “you’ve got time” and you actually don’t.

According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, time is relative. Time depends on the reference frame of the observer. The point in case was witnessed by a cluster of Wembley onlookers watching the Masters playing post the Seniors game, who yelled from the boundary “You’ve got time!”.

The subject matier was a conundrum that our own Rookie pondered in response to the statement being made from the boundary, in a remarkable display of football skills from another multiverse. Rookie made time – where there wasn’t. To scribe such an event doesn’t do it full justice however I will atiempt to re-create this moment in – time. Aer gathering a ground ball on the run with a Mako on his hammer and hemmed in on the boundary, Rookie weaved his way around and brushed off his first opponent, dummied a kick to the embarrassment of his second opponent and then stopped to question the stunned Wembley boundary onlookers on the concept of time, before delivering a pinpoint pass lace out to Sammy.

Ergo, proving Eistein’s theory that time depends on the reference frame of the observer. Great to have you back Rook, you are a class act!

Sorry I digress! Now to the Seniors Round 9 match report!

To start the game, for some reason the Makos devised a cunning plan to kick against the wind, perhaps predicting a change of weather would somehow make them faster and fitier. However, this did not materialize and the Wembley gaggle took full advantage of the breeze with BoM slong the first goal within a minute. Sharpshooter specialist Watisie quickly followed suit with another goal within the next minute and with the weather clearing, the day was shaping up to be a Wembley blitz. Draggers, relishing his role forward, was quick to get involved and bustled his way through packs leaving dead bodies behind.

The second quarter came and again Wembley showed their class as Bryn and Sarge took control of the center bounces and BoM continued to run riot up forward. Wal adapted to the Seniors pace and joined Poohbah with providing plenty of run into the forward line. Mikey R, as always, won the hard ball gets and ran to the right spots providing the linkage for multiple forward entries.

The start of the third quarter saw the magnets shuffle with Poohbah switching to the wing and Simmo into the ruck. Again, traffic was generally one way with free range Lui bobbing up to take timely chest marks in the middle or pushing the ball forward for Mikey R to jump on. Draggers roamed up and down the corridor gathering possessions at will and Wal dominated across the center. Irish was having a good batile with his opponent and stood tall to take some desperate marks in the backline. Macca had a 3rd quarter purple patch, firstly unselfishly laying off his first goal opportunity to another team mate only to result in a minor score. But from there, he had learnt his lesson and mastered the Wembley way that if you’re within kicking range – go yourself, booting two quick goals with some great marking and fancy footwork.

By the fourth quarter, Space was finding space where there was none, marking and chipping the ball between he and Sarge. Aer taking a strong mark in the goal square he even laid a cheeky handball off to Sarge who goaled and celebrated in Jack Ginnivan fashion. Sarge was never too far away from the action, even the imaginary action, as an unbeknown strong shepherd by Simmo gave him more time than he thought and in anticipation of geng caught, casting a blind handball over his head to a teammate in an imaginary position.

The Makos were still fighting hard though, with Irish running his opponent into form and giving away 50 meters, Brynn also become frustrated and joined the 50-meter penalty club, the Makos were not dead yet. But the steady heads of Wal, Watisie and Simmo kept the team on task and in the end, an easy win for the Wembley Seniors.

– Mike “NdGT” Ehlers