Match Reports

Round 4 (7th May 2023 – The Coronation Edition)

Supers v HPW

Aspirational

We were aiming to achieve great things.

The banter in the change rooms was full of optimism – especially around our numbers and Bassie’s hammy. Our forward line reflected this, centred around our twin pillars Scotty (who enjoyed a debut for the ages) and BP, who enjoyed optimistic delivery for a record 5 strong leads in a row (optimistically 1m ahead of his outstretched arms). Marcus’ positive mindset somehow prevented him being tackled, Riley and Abba’s class and composure lifted those lucky to be around them, and Kempy’s shot on the run from fifty was impressively confident.

We did achieve great things – for a Sunday arvo game of Supers Footy

Perspirational

We had an idea it would be tough – Harrisdale Piarra Waters looked fit and fired up – but that’s how our midfield like it. Brad’s cut above the eye, Craig’s sore neck and Danner’s impressive collection of bumps and scrapes indicated what we’d enjoyed – a tough but fair contest, that we came out on top of, thanks to some crucial contests from Crackers and Tom, hard yards by Brockie and surgical precision from our Doc.

It was tough – for a Sunday arvo game of Supers Footy

Inspirational

We didn’t have it easy – the difference in height between the Bears’ forward line and our backline added up to another player. Burgo played on a bloke fitter than him for the first time in a long time, it didn’t help he was a foot taller, Adam and Cambo gave away at least a foot as well. Alex set the tone, attacking the ball and using it well. Our undersized but versatile backline enjoyed a good game – sometime outmarked, but not outplayed (much).

It was great to watch – for a Sunday arvo game of Supers Footy

Great game fellas – great game

– Prince Steve Chidzey, Defender of the Kit Bag

 

Masters v Crocs/Ellenbrook

Nine things we learned… or is it learnt???

A bit of research revealed it’s one of those British V American spelling type of scenarios… you know, like colour v color… so to our esteemed commander in Chief I say this: The only thing missing from the US of A’s spelling is U!! But I digress and much like the AFL’s writers, I’m rambling on, filling up column space with utter shite!!

So, for what it’s worth, here are the 9 things we learnt from the Masters V Central Crocs/Ellenbrook Eels game on the weekend:

1) Lost in a field of clowns

It’s clear Sarge doesn’t travel very often from the safety of his cosy (or is it cozy) western suburbs chalet. Arriving just 10 minutes before the start of the game and attempting to put a team on the field. What I am yet to figure out is whether he was genuinely late because he didn’t realise how far it was, or whether he got distracted by the Moscow Circus down the road. Either way, he ended up surrounded by a bunch of clowns! It was to become very symbolic of how shambolic the Masters game would become.

2) Hawks inspiring the old hands

With a good contingent having watched the Hawks the night before, it was clear the Masters team was inspired by their style of play. They could win the ball out of the centre, they could repel most of the opposition attacks, but when it came to scoring… well, how did the Hawks go….

Wal led (or is it lead) the way in his first game for the season, taking a good mark 15 meters out on a slight angle (or maybe it’s Angel). So being the steady hand he has been over the years, he went back and had a lovely set shot for goa…. Oh… no he didn’t. He stupidly tried to handball over the top to Damo and instead gave it straight back to the opposition. The precedent was set with a series of players (Jimmy and Bassie spring to mind) who instead of backing themselves in from well inside 50, chose to try and give it off, usually to poor old Damo, who battled hard against very poor delivery, only to see it turn over and head straight back out.

3) Some men are born to ruck!

On the same weekend that Luke Jackson finally earnt some of his high-end salary, a lesser-known light (or is it lite), in a smaller, insignificant league, on a ground no-one went to (or couldn’t find their way to) also put on a rucking master class. No, it wasn’t Irish, Moose or even Two Fingers. Cogs was on fire – he’d nominate where it was going and bang – that’s where it fell. Unfortunately, sometimes the mids have different ideas about what he might have said or couldn’t quite make it to the spot to get a clearance. Cogs wouldn’t stand for that… he’d go and get the ball himself, stick out the big paw to fend of the tiny people around him and send the ball forward… time after time. Irish you are on notice – stop being selfish and missing games or your spot in the ruck is also bound to go missing! Cogs is the missing cog no more!

4) … And some men are maybe not born to ruck??

Having dominated in the ruck Cogs decided he needed a rest. In stepped the understudy…to Irish. Simon V, never really proclaimed he was a great ruckman… and set about proving it. Aside from battling away admirably in the ruck for a quarter or so it was two clear and precise incidents that prove he had previously been withholding his true ruckman like abilities.

Proof he’s a ruckman No1 – Having taken a very good intercepting mark in defence, his eyes darted around the field looking for a safe-haven. After a few dismissive choices, he eagle-eyed a smart switch across the backline, whereupon he delivered the ball straight down the throat of CrocEel for an easy shot on goal straight out front.

Proof he’s a ruckman No.2 – I didn’t notice this happened the way it happened when it happened… but it happened… and it is on film! A ball up 30 meters out deep in the pocket. The Big V in the big V rose above the opposition ruckman and got away one of the cleanest taps you’ll ever see… again straight down the throat of a CrocEel on his own 10 meters away from the waiting pack. A quick snap to the square for an easy mark and goal… I know we need someone to replace Irish, but you don’t have to emulate all his feats!

5) You can take the boy out of Defens(ive end)…

So, our Commander in Chief likes to put himself in the middle of the ground and thus the play, as much as he can. The little-known reason for this is because in his native game he was a defender who, well, they don’t get to touch the ball all that much. So of course, in our game he prefers the position where he gets the chance to touch the ball and be the centre (or is it center) of attention. But in the 3rd quarter, Bassie proved his roots are well and truly defensive in nature. Aside from the above-mentioned incidents (where he had no chance), he repelled every attack that came his way … and with great aplomb. Marking, handballing, knocking it on and kicking (with that awkward kicking style he has) the ball… he did it all. I think he has a future down there.

6) Sometimes you meet your match… or more correctly you are no match

The Masters team have usually been able to sort themselves out and match it with any offence (or is it offense), in the league. Unless, of course, you get to play on a guy who plays in a different league.

Des Hedland decided he’d have a trot around in the old boys league. He may have stacked on a few kegs in the last year or two, but this just made him a more formidable opponent. He could still shimmy and shake – and that’s what he did to Sarge, leaving him looking foolish in the middle of the ground. Then he proved he could out bustle his opponents and pull in a mark This was something DC and Damo could attest to…. Generally speaking, he didn’t waste a possession either.

If only we had our own ex AFL star at the club!

7) Run Forrest, Run

Every team has them – The outside runners, and a couple of blokes come to the fore (or is it for or were there four) in the Masters team – when they can get themselves right. From the outset, Fev was at his mobile best, getting himself involved in every bit of play he could. Mikey R was doing what he does best, running and diving and getting the ball out of the packs. Jimmy on the other wing, was his productive self either as link man or as the mobile forward target. In his first game back, Wal may have made a few errors, but you couldn’t fault his running (you could fault his bouncing, but not his running). But Joffa – when the hamstrings are firing on all cylinders, he puts most blokes to shame. Off half back he creates a lot of positive play and leaves the defence catching their breath in his wake. If only any of them could hit a moving target!

8) Release the Beast(s)?

While there were a few blokes happy to oblige, filling in from an opposition team (or is it teem) or two (and we thank them), BP and PK were two guys who certainly impressed. They showed the way with some great marking prowess up front and down back (I got that right didn’t I G.O’D). While BP was another who understandably struggled against the power and experience of Desy, he absolutely destroyed his next opponent, presenting time and again and honouring the passes he was getting. Sure, Dougy is mid 60’s and filling in for the CrocEels, but if you know BP, he doesn’t accept excuses!! The same can be said for recent recruit PK. He got plenty of the ball down back, pretty much intercepting anything that came down there in the first half. McGovern may be done for the Bush Chooks, so look out PK, you may be getting a call up anytime soon.

9) Aunty makes her debut and is crowned the King on Coronation Day

After long pre-season and more hesitancy about taking up football at his age – and letting the world know about it (well the ABC world of Perth), Stizza finally pulled the boots on in anger. As a progressive broadcaster, Stizza demanded he start in the forward line. In the 1st quarter, due to the 2nd thing we learnt, he spent most of his time chasing the rebounding ball out of our forward line. But in the second, Stizza declared he would have none of this. When he got his chance, he used every great (or is it grate) goal kicking forward he has ever watched over the years as inspiration and grabbed the ball, danced on air around a few defenders and boom, kicked a great around the corner goal… and like every debutant, all he saw was players coming from everywhere to congratulate him… Stizza then proceeded to do what so many middle aged men have done before him – he limped off the ground to seek treatment for his torn calf muscle. Adulation has a high price! Long live the King!

Author’s Note: As is tradition with all Royal affairs, there will be a collectable plate available… please pick them up from my sink and place them in the dishwasher please, Stizza!

– Geoffrey Ahearn, Queen Consort

 

Seniors v Fremantle Phantoms

Expectations and enthusiasm for the Sunday game were high with the long range forecast looking favourable with the rain passing, light winds predicted and high hopes the Freo Phantoms would be nursing massive hangovers with the predicted Fremantle Dockers win.

However by Saturday the nerves were building, with the incoming news that Muzz’s ticker was giving some trouble and in need of some pipe cleaning, Tim “Macgiver” Curtis couldn’t find enough gaffer tape to fix his dickie knee, Simmo was unavailable after playing for the Eagles v Richmond*. Poor old Coach/Captain/Mother Duck Wattsie was almost joining Muz in the cardiac ward after realising about 8 people had registered (those clearly accepting without checking the location of the match) to play. However, the call was out, the boys responded and it looked to be good numbers for the last game of the round.

Sunday morning saw at least 85 incoming messages from Wattsie to make sure everyone was still coming. The enthusiasm was high. Dockers had won, some Fremantle spectacular being funded by Sneakers had rumours flying around the Phantoms would stay in Freo to drink Captain Morgans all day and the weather was looking good.

With no bus trip for the 6hr drive to the foothills organised, the Wembley boys headed out with tanks full of juice, a packed lunch (and dinner for the return journey), collectively clocking up a bigger carbon footprint than the celebs flying to the Kentucky Derby (prounced Daaar-bee).

In fact the only bus trips were being undertaken by soon-to-be-married types on route to the Swan Valley, who are clearly sick of being happy. The most enjoyable part of the drive was a hens loaded bus with a couple of ladies flashing the author, Christy Brinkle to Clarke Griswold style [ed: photos please].

Having all arrived safely at the destination the serious part of the day commenced. Deep heat applied, 8 blokes there and a Wattsie back into pacing mode, the warm up welcomed Mikey “Griswold” Ethers back from his European Vacation, Prindi back from fishing the Abrolhos and Eppo as notable ins.

With BP playing his 5th game for the day and Selfie into his homeland of the back line, the game was underway. It was a frenetic start with the backline repelling repeated entries and keeping for the Phantom’s goaless for a half. Brynna, Longy and TK were all calm in the storm and the kicking out from Colonel Selfie had the Phantom’s wondering what they had to do to buy a goal.

There was the usual precision passing and hard running from Johnny Poobah and the goal from Mikey Griswold had the Wembley boys in the fight. Ray “Hercules” Werner was close to his happy place of Pearce Airbase and feeling right at home. Apart from the odd pause to look skywards at departing and arriving aircraft, Hercules put in another great show from the mid field using his physical presence to dominate across the middle. His intention to play a hard brand of football was demonstrated by taking a pre-emptive dose of painkillers pre game.

Lui was a lynch pin the middle connecting the outstanding back line work with the attacking forwards. Space, Magic and Youngy attacked hard down forward with some great displays of skill. The overhead game was impressive.

Coming into half time the Wembley boys were up and about. No goals scored against us, Moose was dominating the ruck, Matty , Eppo and Wattise looking solid and Anthony “wahoo” Prindiville looked like the week of fishing and frothies had done him the world of good showing dash down the wing. The run from Matty and Eppo was inspirational.

A lucky snap and goal from the Phantom’s early in the third and another goal shortly after had the opposition looking cocky. But alas, the Wembley boys continued to fight hard.

As the backline onslaught continued, Colonel Selfie was directing traffic whilst leading by example with solid overhead marking displays.

Into the fourth, both the daylight and energy levels faded a few more goals were scored by both sides.

Poo capped off a great game with a goal and the Wembley boys worked off with a few injuries, but heads held high.

Another display of a team all coming together and enjoying some great comradery. Great bunch of fellas enjoying a pleasant Sunday arvo.

* unverified but nobody watched the game anyway.

– King Drew Totterdell, III