Match Reports

Round 6 (18th June 2023 – The Full-Backs Edition)

Full-On Full-Backs

What could only be described as a resounding success, the Full-on Full-backs competition saw runs to the centre of the ground (or close enough) in both the Masters and Supers games!

Congratulations to BOM and Burgo for each claiming the $50 prize plus the $50 bonus! The fact that Burgo may have lost control of the ball at the end of his run doesn’t take away from his achievement.

The financial blow to Thackers’ bank account was softened by the amazing result in the Seniors game where there were no kick-ins for the entire game! Rumour had it BOM was looking to double-dip by playing in the Seniors game, and with his pace he was every chance to do it.

An honorable mention goes to Dozer in the Masters game, who made it to somewhere near the 50m mark then kicked the ball with plenty of clear space in front of him (presumably running out of gas) – it was great that he even gave it a go given BOM had set the high watermark earlier in the quarter.

An honourable mention goes to Chidzy in the Supers game who spent almost three quarters calculating how many 5c lollies he could buy with his winnings, having made a run to within five metres of the 50. Video footage shows he took only one bounce….do the math on that one!

Thanks to our roving camera crews, footage was attempted of both of the record runs, noting that

1. in order to get this alert out quickly we have not had time to review the footage of BOM’s run, and
2. GO’D may have spent too long earlier in the day watching replays of the ’93 Essendon premiership, so his phone battery ran out “part-way” through Burgo’s run….

Competition sponsor Thackers commented, “Money well spent, I proved my point that there is plenty of space out there for the taking, now I’m hoping to see players continue to take it in weeks to come without the need for financial incentive.”

Thanks must go to our fantastic sponsor who conceived of the idea and made it happen. As an “ideas man”, Thackers is superb. As a camera operator….well…go to our Instagram or Facebook account to see his footage of BOM’s run.

We welcome more member-driven ways to keep building our club spirit!

Winners will be contacted via email.

 

Supers v Jandakot Jets

The date for this game was marked in Jandakot’s calendar weeks ago as they would face a Wembley outfit which included a past player of theirs. The cheap talk from the red and white the night before on their Masters Facebook page looked to only fuel the mighty Wembley Supers come Sunday. Bassie gave two clear instructions before unleashing the tribe of magpies: 1. Look after our own and 2. Play footy…and that they did!

The Magpie midfield started strong and were unforgiving all game. The brilliant ruck work of Craig saw the likes of Daniher, Brocky and Keenan take the pill forward time and time again. Ron Jose Oval #2 is monstrous, with its wings almost as wide as its length. Throughout the first quarter, although the Magpies dominated play, it looked like they had too much space and time to consider their options leading to some out of character errors.

Scotty continued his strong form early in the game, getting on the score board and even showing some pace. It was at this very oval he had kicked a ‘bag’ back in Round 4. Unfortunately, after stepping on his own ankles at training, impact from an opposition player saw him come off for the rest of the game. Thanks to the fortnight turnaround, the Magpies will be hoping to see him back for “The Bassie Battle” against the Whalers on July 2nd.

The second and third quarter saw the Magpies make some game play adjustments and turn the space and time into an all-out domination! Danners led the pies, bringing players into the game, and joining the forwards on the scoreboard. After his methodical warm-up, Danners threw on the lucky Fight MND crew socks and put on a show, with some onlookers putting him down for nearly 50 possessions. The boys have since been online to find the crew socks are sold-out, but you can still get your hands on a beanie in Bunnings stores or online at https://fightmnd.org.au/.

With Scott on the sidelines, someone was always going to step up and take ownership of the forward fifty. Cogs was the man to take it up a gear making every opportunity from a set shot a major. Even the opposition was yelling out “good kick” once it left his boot. The AFL level run and present from the forwards was a highlight, and Alex, who normally finds himself down back made the most out of his half-forward role. Bassie could hardly walk behind play but was leaving his opponents in the dust. Not to mention his verbal stoush with a Jet as they argued over who was elbowing who. Rosco found himself hitting the ball at full speed up on the wings and hitting targets lace out. Plonk was everywhere inside fifty and even had the opportunity to kick a goal after the half-time siren…

Reports out of Wembley Sport Complex on Wednesday night were that Cambo was set for a big one, dominating the half-field game simulation and showing superb run out of the backline. He did not disappoint! Pinpoint switches, long passes for players to run on to, and the ability to dance around opponents with a level head were all part of his toolkit against the Jets. Ben O and Dole ran all day off the half back. At one point, Dole was so gassed after getting to the ball first, Ben O yelled out just enough encouragement to see Dole get the ball away before sucking in the big ones!

Nothing beats playing on the wing and watching the other wingman steal the show. Kim made it to the game with his Batman backpack after the mornings Auskick. It was like watching Isaac Smith (but right footed) elegantly stride his way up and down Ron Jose. Other special mentions go to Brocky and the cutest left foot we have seen, splitting the opposition apart. Thank you to BP, who unfortunately could only partake in two of the three games this weekend due to a 2.10pm start for both Supers and Seniors. Also, thank you to Fev who put on the Jets jumper to ensure Wembley could spank them with a full 18 outfit.

The final quarter saw a magical moment unfold with Ben “Burgo” Burgess taking the kickout from a Jets behind. This week there was a Full-on Full-back competition for whoever could run it the furthest. With the early support of some brilliant shepherds, Burgo took the game on, running it out of the goal square. Everyone was yelling at him to keep going, despite the close chase from a Jandakot Jet, who is also a quick player and a state touch rugby representative. It was a “run Forest run” moment, and something all those present will never forget. Burgo got beyond the 50, and when taking a bounce near the center square, his chaser conceded. You heard it here Wembley Vets…Burgo not only made the most yards, he made it to half-way. Give the man $100!

The game was a formal “cutting of the ties” for Doc and the Jets. It’s official, he is a Wembley Magpie!

A brilliant 4 quarter performance from the black and white! It’s fair to say, the battle of the skies was won by the Magpies.

– Reporter: Dahmen “Doc #2” Higgs

 

Masters v Kingsway Rams

It was great weather presented to us against Kingsway in Midvale.

We started the game 16 v 16 and got off to a positive start thanks to our midfielders and their endeavours. A quick goal from Prindi got us off to a good start. We were very wasteful in the first quarter squandering many opportunities. Joffa’s unselfishness and pin point passing in the forward line helped us steady as we kicked away from Kingsway. Irish made his way to full forward and contributed with a blatant push in the back that resulted in a goal for Wembley.

Once Irish left our midfield we got more opportunities thanks to a mobile Ruckman in Damo and our midfield. Kingsway tried to penetrate their forward line but were no match for our defence with Dozer and our defensive wingman Uni well on top. Time after time the ball would be turned over resulting in major goal opportunities at almost every occasion.

Brock tried to make his way into the forward line from the midfield for some easy kicks but was denied by a more vigilant and better positioned NEW player Pistol. Although Kingsway persisted,

Wembley continued to move the ball more smoothly and accurately resulting in plenty of opportunities, which many were wasted Prindi one goal four, Pistol also blundered many opportunities.

Our midfielders and wingers, Wal, Fev and Co’s stamina and strength was pivotal in keeping possession and creating as many opportunities as they did for our forward line. Our solid backline ensured that Kingsway were limited with their opportunities to score.

– Reporters: Paul “Pistol” Notaras & Brock “Shotgun” Llewellyn

 

Seniors v Vic Park Pigs

Full Post Match Presser Transcript: Wembley Seniors

*Note 1: Any resemblance to any person living or deceased, or indeed any fact, is purely coincidental.

**Note 2: Any resemblance to the recent West Coast press conference after the loss to the Adelaide Crows is purely deliberate.

****

[garbled indecipherable murmurs and chair scape]

[Hushed silence as Coach Wattsie enters. Another chair scrape. Cough]

****

Coach Wattsie: OK, are there any questions for the answers I’m about to give?

Damien Barrett: Yes. Wattsie, very nice 11 goal win. And in a game where scores are not kept. What good do you take out of today?

Coach Wattsie: No, not a lot. Look, it’s a challenge what’s happening with us and our availability and the players we’ve got playing at the moment but that doesn’t excuse the effort. We are trying to be as resilient as we can and we knew we are undermanned in some areas so that this just wasn’t good enough.

Damien Barrett: But you won by 60 points?!?

Coach Wattsie: Irrelevant!! [fist slam]. We tried a few things. In the first quarter you saw Eppo kicking backwards to their advantage. So we tried that. You saw me get caught dropping the ball a couple of times. We tried that. Prindi kicking points instead of goals through the match. We tried that. So we tried quite a few things to help the Pigs out; but to no avail. We still won by 10 goals. Even not having Moose in the ruck didn’t stop us winning the clearances. So I guess we might have to consider bringing Irish back next match so we can lose most of the centre breaks.

Ryan Daniels: The half back line looked rock solid today Wattsie?

Coach Wattsie: We put the backline down there every week. Mostly because it’s a line we have to fill on the magnet board. We even had them stay in their positions and suggested they man up this week. And that kind of worked. But it was tough for our full back line today. No kick outs meant they had to remain entertained by massaging the dencorub to sting their ball sacks just to get some pleasure. They didn’t get much arousal outside of that.

Ryan Daniels: Was that why you tossed the magnets around? Like Drew Totterdell into the full forward line late in the game?

Coach Wattsie: Not really. That was because I couldn’t find the magnet board and Drew forgot which way we were kicking. But Drew did ‘an Eppo’ and thought he was kicking in the Pigs direction. But it was actually ours and he accidentally scored a really nice left foot goal. We then told Drew to tag the Pigs back pocket for the rest of the game and Drew did a good job of that.

Ryan Daniels: But isn’t Drew a left footer?

Coach Wattsie: I’ve got no idea.

Cal Twomey: Wattsie, your forward line dominated. Can you comment on that?

Coach Wattsie: Yup. We talked about kicking more points that goals so we were happy with that execution. ‘Magic’ presented a really nice target that the midfielders kept missing. He leads into plenty of space, but we love to kick it away from Magic and into contests. And it was all about the contest, contest method, the pressure on the game. Because the only way we’re going to be competitive is to be competitive. Look at Slarkey for example. He was too good up forward. He actually marked the ball. So he’ll benefit from more WAFL time to breed that out of him.

Cal Twomey: Some nice touches from Newboy up forward?

Coach Wattsie: Yeah. We love him up forward. His vision is excellent but his handballs are really, really poor. That’s the combination we love. Space was also solid. He’s an intimidating target. We love the fact that he prefers to kick instead of handball over 5 metres. Look at Space’s stats. 117 kicks and no handballs for the game at 6% efficiency. Magnificent.

Nat Edwards. We can’t ignore the reporting of Jimmy- how did you see that?

Coach Wattsie: Jimmy? Nah, nothing in it. He was dominating and the umpires just decided he needed a break… for the next few weeks.

Nat Edwards. But he’s on report for kicking?

Coach Wattsie: Yep. Well, he’d kicked everything else in the match. So we suggested he should kick an opposition player too. Unfortunately he didn’t get to kick the umpire which was planned for the last quarter.

Sarah Black: Champion data showed some interesting statistics. Louey’s heat map was so concentrated it burned through the page. And Simmo’s distance covered in the match was 845km. Happy with the data?

Coach Wattsie: Yep. I mean Louie was supposed to bring his own football but he had no room because he brought more sunscreen instead. He said the heatmap emits too much UV which is why he doesn’t get around the ground. But he played his role again. When he was under pressure Louey handballed to make sure a teammate was now the one under pressure. That’s the sort of unselfish play we are after. Simmo also played his role. He’s bulldozed more ground that Westrac this year. His speed data shows he’s faster than the DeLorean.

Sarah Black: On the ruckwork, you swung Selfie in late. Was that a tactic?

Coach Wattsie: No. that was because ‘Mrs Selfie’ asked me to and she was doing the votes. But Selfie is a mobile big man and we love him in the middle. We just need him to stop taps to advantage. And as some of our team knows his fisting is deadly.

Ryan Daniels: On that point, there seems to be a lot of finger, hand and arm injuries. Have your strength and conditioning team looked at possible causes of those?

Coach Wattsie: We’ve looked at that closely and the most likely reason is a German porn site the boys have discovered. So a few have been trying out some new techniques. You might remember that Space and Mikey kicked that off last year.

Ryan Daniels: Is that wise this late in the season trying new techniques?

Coach Wattsie: Well, they are pretty good ones and it’s part of the new system. We have to trust the system and stay faithful to the system. Pop down later and we’ll show you the system.

Ryan Daniels: Mmmm. Ok. So looking forward to the next game – how do you feel?

Coach Wattsie: I’m frustrated today. I’m angry. Today was a day of education for us- on how good we are. Although we’ll learn a lot about resolve. Because we need to see it. We’ll get back on the track to see if we can improve the fumbles, increase the dropped marks and grow the missed kicks. We can’t be that good in this competition. We have to unimprove.

Unknown Journalist: Is that actually a word- ‘unimprove’?

Coach Wattsie: No, but I like using big words out of context which is why the team has applied its cerebral hypotenuse.

Unknown Journalist: The fans have been vocal on social media. Is there any member unrest or do you think your fans actually understand what you’re going?

Coach Wattsie: Look we had a big crowd of six fans there today and they were vocal. They don’t like it when we are so good as they have less to jeer about. Yeah, I’d get they’re not happy with all the wins. But all we can do is be honest about our brilliance. Every week there are careers on the line whether you’re chasing the flag or you’re trying to get off the bottom of the ladder.

Unknown Journalist: With only one player on the bench this match it seems a little questionable why you didn’t load up through the midseason draft. What was the list management debate on that one?

Coach Wattsie: You have to have a season ending injury to put someone on your long term injury list or you need a retirement. We only have 16 of those cases so we decided not to do anything. It’s kind of like West Coast’s strategy this year- we thought that was strategically really smart.

Cal Twomey: So how do you see where you’re progressing on that plan for the next draft?

Coach Wattsie: Obviously we’ve gone to the draft last couple of years and we’ll continue to do that. We need to get some young talent into the side around the age of 50. It’s going to be one of the youngest lists in a year or so. And then, you know, we want to get some picks at the top end as well if we can. So we’ll work through all that. That’s pretty clear from my point of view and the club’s point of view. We have space in our salary cap that the Masters don’t have.

Cal Twomey: Is the coaching draining you?

Coach Wattsie: Draining? You mean coaching a team that won’t listen, doesn’t come to training, and with no one volunteering to wash the jumpers or write the match report? No way- this is why we do it…. well maybe it’s a bit draining. But that’s why I get paid so much.

Coach Wattsie: That it? Thanks. See you next week where I’ll repeat the same platitudes.

[garbled indecipherable murmurs and chair scapes]

[Ends]