Match Reports

Round 9 (30th July 2023 – The Captain Ahab Edition)

Supers v Brentwood Booragoon

A heavy morning dew greeted our players as they arrived for their match-up with the bulldogs. But as it quickly soaked through their boots and socks, it did little to slow down a Wembley side who started fast. Brock and Danners racked up early possessions, and repeat inside 50s put the doggies backline under pressure as they offered little more than a whimper. Things were going great for Wembley, who lacked only the ruthlessness to pile on more points while commanding such control.

With the incentive of a Schmako dangled in front of their flat noses during the break, the bullied bulldogs looked to bite back in the second quarter. To their dismay they soon discovered Burgo’s uncanny ability to be everywhere across halfback, and Rowney showed his canine counterparts what a dog at a bone really looks like. Still, they showed they were up for the fight on their home turf, fortunately stopping short of attempting to mark their territory.

As the drizzle set in, the second half began as a dour affair. The wet football became as slippery as a greased pig and as both sides struggled to win clean possession, the tackle count rapidly dwarfed the actual score. Every man and his dog was getting their hands dirty trying to win the ball as players found themselves frequently slipping over, though none more spectacularly than big Scotty and his opponent who simultaneously put in baseball slides as though the loose ball itself was second base.

While low scoring, the second and third quarters had been just about goal for goal. As the teams turned for home, the bulldogs began to get off the leash and worked themselves into a slobbery frenzy. They turned out to be mostly chasing parked cars, being stopped abruptly time and again as Ben and Dozer dug their heels in and stood strong in the last line of defence. It was a hard fought contest right to the end and a big thanks to the older gents who stepped in once more to give us a full team.

– Reporter: Craig “The Earl” Earlspurr

 

Masters v Brentwood Booragoon

Not sure who’s idea it was to schedule a game at 8.30 am (WTF), but its fair to say the last time I played that early was when I was playing under 12’s … hang on no that’s not right, I do recall a very early game in Bali, where Rowney played in board shorts and got stitched up by Libba. At least this time Rowney didn’t get home at 4pm the night before, was suitably attired, and Libba wasn’t on the opposing side. So good start to the day!!

Pretty even game throughout the day, in a nutshell:

• Wal clearly can’t remember anything from last Sunday, so I won’t talk up his game, he might have kicked a goal or 2 though
• Brad Cowen made his debut and was a handy acquisition and option up forward, clunked some good grabs
• Sammy very good out of the goal square, provided a target all day
• Back line held up well, but a couple of times clearly some guys had delusions of being Danner’s, and not expectedly got pinged holding the ball – you know who you are!!
• Uni wanted to fight everyone
• DID I SAY IT WAS FUCKING EARLY
• Rowney and mids good all day, although Biscuit clearly knew a lot of Wembley Vets IP and was sharing it willingly … surely there should be some confidentiality agreement there
• Irish spent the game playing for free kicks and falling over like one of the King brothers on any contact … Irish you’re better than that … well on second thoughts
• I took Sarge’s medical advice and instructions of – just run around and masquerade as a footballer for an hour seriously and think I carried out those instruction to the letter!!!
• Pistol started like a house on fire – clearly on the gas the night before … ran out of bullets and then channelled Baldrick and came up with cunning plan … I know I’ll get sent off, no one will ever know I was just out gas … however what he didn’t know was that Cogs would come on, pop up like a sprinkler at CHF, clunk a grab right on the siren and unleash a torp to win the game … last goal wins right … opinions vary on the distance, but I’ve got your back Cogs, it was at least more than 35m !!!

But all said it was a great goal, Bero would have been very proud looking down from above and that makes me very happy

Good game fella’s

– Reporter: Brett “Gromit” Wallace

 

Seniors v Whalers

Until now I’ve considered the whale as second only to the anchor as being an uninspiring emblem. Clearly however Whalers is referring not to the hunted but to the hunters with their sharp harpoons and Captain Ahab like determination.

The Sam Kerr proportion outs of Moose, Simmo, Matty and Prindi [ed: clearly, I wasn’t missed, fair ‘nuff] were offset by the inclusions of Irish, Bretto, Joffa and Ray – testimony to the depth of the Wembley list.

Wattsie took it upon himself to make an articulate umpires speech. The umpire got his own back after the game though – stay tuned.

It was a promising start. “The triangle” looked like it might be something to contend with. But alas – too many wasted opportunities. And you drop a whale on a triangle and you wind up with a flat line.

The Backs: Did good. Under siege. Selfy showed how penetrating drop punts are kicked. Bryn was resolute as always – although the short socks detract from the aesthetics of his towering marks.

The Mids: Had an easy day with Irish dominating in the ruck. Speaking of whales Irish had a few wails of his own: “that wasn’t soccering in danger,” “he can’t tackle me above the knee” etc.

The Forwards: Watched a lot. And in the later stages made the most of their opportunities. The loss of AJ was reminiscent of the Nathan Lyon moment in the second test. Hopefully he heals quickly.

Bottom line – the Whalers were too good. Nice guys too playing in the right spirit. At one stage the flood gates looked as though they might open but the famous Wembley spirit prevented that.

Best player – Slarks, no Selfy, no Irish, no Slarks. Admittedly I am biased against midfielders who shake hands with their opponents at the start of the game and then meet up for the second time that day for a beer afterwards and win all the Brownlows. Apologies to Ray, Mike E, Bretto, Eppy and all our hard working mids who may well be exceptions to this perception.

Apologies too to Wattsie but this was the umpires pay back speech post game: “I would like to say sorry for the biggest mistake of my coaching career. With his line breaking runs and pin point passes AJ is the best half back flanker to ever play at Wembley – it was crazy to move him from that position. I shall reset the magnets for next game.”

Long and Lewie enjoy your travels. Longy is off to Scotland and Louie to Italy. Send some pics.

– Reporter: Wayne “Magic” Coffey